Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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