Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
