ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it's not cheating when I paid for it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
