Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
