I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
