Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
