yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
