i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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