I got chris browned last night
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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