So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
