hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
