I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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