I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
