He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
