Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
