how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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