if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
