yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
