Got a toothbrush?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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