I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
