I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
