12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
