My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize