my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
