I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
