She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
