Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
