I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
