he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
