We named our party play list daddy issues
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
