I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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