theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
