i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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