I want to walk on stilts...naked
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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