After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
