Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
