last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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