pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
