It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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