Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
