dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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