You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
