i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
