Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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