I'm really into asian looking animals
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
