yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
