i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
