she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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