U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
