Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
But theres a keg here and me gusta
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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